Positivity is My Superpower, Negativity is My Kryptonite

I Am Positive!

I love to fill my heart and mind with positive thoughts, images of hope, and inspiring stories of courage & strength. Taking in little pops of positivity throughout my day fuels me, helps me to stay my course and enjoy my journey. I find that with a positive frame of mind, I am more engaged with the world around me and I am better able to notice and respond to seen & felt needs in a way that ripples out blessing and love.

Some days, however, I run into some reeeeallllly nasty roadblocks, and like Superman touching Kryptonite, I am stopped in my tracks.

I encountered such a roadblock last week, and it has been quite a powerful lesson for me.

The Backstory: In my side job, I manage a small, successful office in the alternative healthcare field for about 3 days a week. I am never there for more than 6 hours day; typically 4 hours only.  I have in those precious few hours quite a load to handle between administrative duties, client interface, and nuts-and-bolts stuff like product inventory, treatment room set-up, etc.  I’m pretty efficient and fairly organized by nature, so it’s a good fit.  Anyway

One of my admin duties is coordinating payment processing for the independent contractors that we deal with.  Their job is to provide me with a scanned copy of their completed time sheet following each treatment session, with some specific details as required by the treatment facility (correct dates, initials of facility staff).  Last week, one of the service providers failed to get me one of her time sheets, and the one she did send had old dates mixed with new and was missing signatures. Just to make it a “perfect storm” scenario, this all happened on a day that end-of-month invoices needed to go out, so it was crucial to have the correct information if she wanted to get paid on time.

I shot her a quick, friendly email requesting the items, and included my little smiley face along with my signature.

Hi ——-!

Couple things: Could you please resend your timesheet for 10/27?  Also, if you ever need to reuse a timesheet (like this one) please cross out all old dates and be sure to have current clients initialed. Thanks!

Michelle 🙂

What came back to me was this less-than-charming response (emphasis mine):

Why do I need to resend it ?
Also I crossed it off at the top. It shouldn’t be that complicated.  Obviously I changed the top date which you have asked me to do in the past.
Thanks so much!

Um, wut?  Rude.

I don’t have time for this, but I want to make sure that expectations are clear and that there isn’t something else at play. I want to check in to see if she is OK.  So I wait a bit, breathe, extend her the benefit of the doubt and write back. .  After all, I know we all have bad days and that tone is rarely well-conveyed in email or text.

It backfired, and I got this:

If you feel like it’s a battle that’s on your end.Obviously I was already paid for old dates right?  It’s just kinda common sense. …It is a little upsetting because I’m at work trying to work on clients and having to trend [sic] information that I already sent.
 …and this:
When I’m at work I am busy. I am working on clients. When it comes to stuff like you were trying to point out please just take a moment and see if it’s something that can be figured out on your own. …
…aaand this:
… Have a good weekend.
I was floored. I was bummed. I was bewildered. My positive flow had been dammed up, and a stagnant pool was forming. I could feel the yuck building up in my chest, and smell the stench clogging my brain. Oh Baby, the nasty responses that I could have given her in return! You don’t even know.
I couldn’t wait to go home and clear it all out.
Unfortunately, the unpleasant feelings I was holding didn’t just float away.  I kept replaying the exchange, trying to see where it went wrong and how it could be done differently if it ever comes up again.  I wanted to be justified.  I wanted to be validated.  And, if I’m being honest, I really wanted her to apologize. An apology never came, and it was time for me to let that shit go and get myself unstuck pronto.
072
The Big Lesson?  Just forgive her and move on.
The Little Lessons I learned from all of this are:
  • Drama happens, and I don’t have to engage it.
  • I don’t need someone else to validate my feelings.
  • I can always act in kindness, even when it is not returned.
  • Recognize when someone is unwilling to get on my level, and let them be.
  • Don’t play with Kryptonite.
  • Forgiveness frees me.

Forgiveness freed me up to remove the negative blocks, release my Kryptonite, and get back into my own loving, positive flow. I could be ME again. And you know what? It feels really good to be back. <3

forgiveyou